Early Life Crisis

My days have molded together to create a constant hallucinogenic daydream. I’m unable to depict the exact feeling of my state of mind but I find myself unable to make it through a day without several energy drinks anymore. My classes whiz by in a blur of unfathomable speed during college days. I work out for what feels to be mere minutes and I look to a  clock to find an hour or more have passed. Sleep is near non-exsistant to me and even when I find the luck to get a full night of rest, I’m groggy and never fully comprehensive of my surroundings anymore. I’ve met the precipice of my mental abilities and I’m almost certain the strain is far from its worst point. My days away from college has me working full time outside conronting the elements of this once in a limetime winter. Cold and snow are lacking, but the wind is ever present and wind is where the true force of winter’s rath lies. No mercy is shown to any that the icy fingers of a severe Northwest can grasp.

I live outside over forty hours a week dueling the relentless winds and attempting to keep feeling in fingers that constantly throb with pain from the touch of near brittle metal. A wind burnt face is my constant reminder of the painful reality of finding a good paying job with no college to my name. I’m up  every Tuesday, Thursday. Saturday and Sunday by no later than five to drive nearly two hours to get to a designated meeting place for my crew and we set off for work from there. More often than not, I can also be found with a half grown beard to help diminish the stinging force of the wind to my exposed face and neck. After working what is often a dark to dark shift, I have the daunting task of driving close to two hours back to a house with my wife to be and our handsom son. With our son Jake being a meager two months old, he still is very dependant upon us to care for him and so daddy role begins to consume my mind as I attempt to act enthused about a son who just so happens to be crying whenever he’s awake because of early teething commencing. I feebly attempt to not lose my cool as waves of crying ensues from my pained son. Finally around eleven or so every night I can locate a pillow with my axiously awaiting head.

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I’m up no later than six with a workout energizer in hand to start days of college that begins with a Western Civilization class. This class is clearly a scapegoat for people who THOUGHT they were solid history fanatics to only find that they don’t know near what they thought they did. After the repulsively difficult class concludes at 8:50 (give or take a few minutes) I stroll off to the gym every day for an hour and a half to work out and kill some down time. I stress my muscles to the max with an overload of weights to an almost unbearable amount for my muscles to be able to withstand. The time evaporates into thin air every time and it provides me with just what I need to finish the days in college. An intense working of my muscles and a jolt of energy from my SUPERPUMP/CREATINE mix I take before my workouts. My next classes are all in succession from eleven all the way until two in the afternoon so more often than not, lunch is out of my daily agenda. Mondays and Fridays end here but Wednesdays have me battling through another four hours of classes that don’t conclude until roughly 9:30-10 every night. From this time, I have over an hour drive back home where I get to usually just jump in the shower and drag myself into bed to prep for another early morning for work again.

I live a viscious cycle that I brought upon myself. It’s almost like I have created my own early life crsis to battle with. The need for a solid job to pay bills requires that I keep my construction job. My deep yearning for a better life for myself, my fiance, and son has driven me to revert back to school life and I’ve picked up with college to improve the future of my family as well. And finally, there’s my son that I wouldn’t trade for the world, even though he can be a royal pain in the ass at times. I personally think he knows what he’s doing and he just gets a kick out of making mommy and daddy frustrated beyond comprehension. But again, I wouldn’t trade him for the world. Nor would I trade my tiring lifestyle for athing either. I brought my situation upon myself and I deal with it accordingly. LOTS OF ENERGY DRINKS!!! I may be running on fumes but I’m suffering now so that life may be far more prosperous in the near future and to me, it’s well worth everything I do.

Fighting for our own destruction

I have come to the horrifying conclusion that the human species is a menacingly destructive plague to the world’s well being. Other species of the animal kingdom are capable of harmoniously coinciding with the earth’s natural beauties. Humans on the other hand, migrate from location to location depleting the earth’s natural sources and ultimately needing to continue branching out so as we don’t kill ourselves with disease and famine that we manifest all on our own. We are incapable of even sustaining our own lives. The devastating reality of humans as a whole is that the majority of us are incapable of sustaining a natural co-exsistence with earth’s resources.

Car and factory emissions alone release astronomical quantities of chemicals, carbon monoxide, and sulfer oxides that steadily wear a depleting ozone layer thinner every passing second. Vegetation of all sorts of shapes and sizes are leveled to add on to the mass of a city or just because it may be a slight nuisance for some oddity or another. These very plants that we destroy are what regenerates the earths oxygen levels and restores balance to a mastered design. However, man must intervene and cripple a valued resource for something as common as money or an expansion to an already disastrous situation. Many sites all over the world have the need for gravel, so hideous piles of gravel are erected at random sites and are basically mined for the value people believe them to have. Time and time again, people ravage the simple beauties of earth for their own selfish desires with little to no concern for the reprecussions they are dooming a later generation to. This is not just in reference to people, but to all species of the animal kingdom. The earth is being uprooted from its beauty and dismembered bit by agonizing bit. We as humans have the power to stop -or at least slow- the rapidly deteriorating planet we call home and instead, we only urge the horrendous process forward.

I live in a small town in central North Dakota and I’ve been working out in the western parts of the state an ample sum of time. The madness out there is catastrophic. A little city just a couple years ago, Williston has jumped from roughly twelve thousand people to over forty thousand in two meager years and it’s predicted to be over sixty thousand within the next two years. The locals went from small town life living to having to deal with backed up traffic of ridiculous proportions every single second of each day. Campers with their own generators are set up everywhere in town including in WAL-MART parking lots and any other establishment that wishes to make a few extra bucks a month. Generators to the thousands of campers emit constant carbon monoxide 24/7 and many Man Camps have sprung up to create ample housing for the huge surplus of people swarming the vicinity looking for oil field work. The man camps take many large lots and completely level anything within the perimeter so buildings and their own separate sewer systems may be set up.

These facts aside, some people are working against the grain and attempting to save the earth while there’s still a chance to to so. Scientists have created hydrochlorofluorocarbons (HCFC) that are energy efficient, very low in toxicity and can be safely used. HCFC’s are beginning to replace the much more menacing chlorofluorocarbons, (CFC’s) however many underdeveloped countries are still using products with CFC’s at an alarming rate. HCFC’s are typically found with refrigerants used in air conditioners, cold storage and retail and industrial refrigeration equipment. Aerosols and small quantities of HCFC’s are also located in adhesives.

The ozone layer seems to be safe for the time being as pollution numbers have steadily fallen over the past several years, but this does not condone the fact that people are constantly destroying precious forrests and grasslands for selfish gains. The earth’s natural resources and beauties may be abundant enough to last through this generations life time, but when are our greeds going to be satisfied and who is going to have to pay for our egotistical crimes against the earth? The children and grandchildren are going to be the ones suffering from our lust for material belongings. The very kin we have begotten will languish in the ruins we built. It is time that we save ourselves, our children, grandchildren and Mother Earth from an agonizingly overburdened hardship.

Memoirs of a marines getaway

Sweat poured from my brows as I pressed onward and up. The thinned air from the immensely high altitude exacerbated every step of the climb to the top of the first of many mountains in my sight. The sun was towering in the summer sky of the Mojave desert, and the makings for another 130 degree day were quickly brewing. A mountain climbing retreat for the weekend left me and my friend Joe exploring the mountainsides with the enthusiasm of a child on Christmas. We packed lightly to enable optimal climbing possibilities. Finding the most difficult route up the steeps became my specialty -my passion even. I craved for the challenge and my long time companion received nearly as much entertainment watching my daring feats as I obtained in accomplishing them.

As I slipped through several crevices that were only just wide enough for safe passage, I realized I had lost Joe in my pursuit of the peak of our first mountain. Near the same time, Joe clearly recognized the same predicament and began shouting, “Hey man, where are you?!” I decided to leave him in suspense beings as how we were marines and everything marines preached about was pushing people to their limits. I decided to get a kick out of his naturally compassionate nature and leave his responses unanswered. The mental strain I put on him had become increasingly apparent as his calls heightened in stress and intensity. This finally prompted me to end my childish charade and relieve his fears. “I’m at the top!” I shouted to the man who had fallen slightly behind and was still making his way to the crest about fifty yards below me. I nonchalantly awaited his presence in the comforts of the shade as he completed the remaining climb………

Left to right is my friend Joe, myself, and another friend not associated with the memoir. His name is Wyatt.

Gaining public attention

Public announcements of my writing are beginning to take form thanks to my relations with a photographer with her own website and officially boosted my openings to a larger audience with the sharing of a link to my blog page. A huge thanks to Heather Binstock for helping me move forward with my writing ambitions by posting on her website: http://m.specialmoments-photography.biz.

Granted, I’m still working a severely inclined uphill battle, but without determination, there is no possibility to further advance my career. Thanks to the help of friends and family alike, I’ve begun to gain the confidence to excel in my passion. I also have college now to help influence and critique my writing and I must say, the experience has been met with nothing but pure enjoyment and welcome arms. Every day presents a new challenge and each challenge is met with my appetite to devour every learning opportunity that I can sink my teeth into.

Writing is a very empowering activity that’s full of limitless decisions and vast styles. The most valuable experience associated with writing though, is the drive to constantly better yourself. In writing, there is no such thing as perfection. The only possibility of bettering yourself is through constant perserverance. Ambition is all I possess in the midst of each and every objective, no matter how difficult it may seem.

Life’s newest beginning

Tomorrow is the big day! 8 A.M. Bismarck State College. You. Are. Mine!! Western Civilization to start my day off then a couple hour lull in the schedule before I get bombarded with three more hours of different classes throughout midday. Choir, algebra and composition are the classes that fulfill these hours and they should make for a hectic, awesome joy ride. After the frenzied afternoon, a major lull in the schduling allows for optimal time to research into any assignments or papers that may be required of me to complete. Five hours after my fourth class of the day expires, I’ll be setting out for my final class of Intro. to computers that commences at 7 and terminates at 10. Phew!!! What a first day to take in!

This may seem like a bit of an overwhelming task to approach, but I possess the determination of an unstoppable force. Nothing will keep me from my goals and my goals are simple. Receive the college education that I’m deserving and fighting so desparately to obtain. And the pure truth of the matter is that I wished to take a couple more electives, but scheduling conflict wouldn’t allow my classes of interest to be intertwined with my current courses.

Now, if all this didn’t seem to be an excruciating enough responsibility, the cherry on the top would have to be paying for the semester and books in full out of pocket before semesters end. Whoever wishes to talk about hurting a wallet, come talk to me! In a single day I felt my responsibilities smash through the roof of my mind and out the top into a whole new realm of duties and obligations. I must say that it feels remarkable! For perhaps the first time in my short life, I feel I’m capable of virtually ANYTHING that is thrown out for me to manipulate. I feel empowered by my leap into furthering the progression of my life and my character. Nothing can bring me down! Well, except maybe a major overflow of homework some day… Nah! The reward is far too great to dwell on minuscule portions of every day college!

My dreams are fnally progressing into something more than measely thoughts that are squandered away day after day. I have turned these thoughts into actions towards a brighter future and a knowledge that determination DOES pay off. Anyway, I’m off to bed soon so this blog needs to end. I have an early morning tomorrow to start the first day of my newest beginning in life!

Possible new years resolution?

New years resolution?? Eh, I never stay committed to them anyways so I see no point in attempting to make some up. I prefer keeping several short term goals always within striking distance and allowing a cushioned time frame so I’m not continuously stressing over breaking a long term resolution.

It has worked perfectly. I’m set up to begin college in two days! Tomorrow I’m picking up a class to get a few more credits and yet I’ll still be at a very reasonable 16 credits for the semester. Also, I’m doing some last minute prep shopping for class to be more adequately prepared for my first class. Pens, pencils, notebooks, a binder, and other various related items. I set up everything that I’m foregoing now with simple, short term goals placed in chronological order from which they are needed and I’ve had miraculous results.

Organization seems to be key in keeping goals in tact. In fact, it seems to be THEE key to resolving manageable goals. A mind free of clutter is free to think. The same saying can be applied to keeping necessary items tamed whilst you fight towards a goal you’re working on.

I’ve come to a conclusion that if I were to make a new years resolution -not saying I am!- that I would practice diligently on having organized work and living environments at all times. This way, even if plans do go awry, I could be better prepared to overcome any scenario that I may encounter. Not a bad practice to participate in considering there’s virtually no downside to living in a tidy household.

Appreciate your body

I’ve come to the shocking conclusion that if neglected, things will deteriorate over time. Metal rusts, wood rots, glass warps, paint fades and so on. However, with the tender loving care that everything deserves, they can remain in their pristine condition or be restored to their former glory. The human body is no exception, with diseases and hideous eye sores possible and lurking just behind some neglected or abused specifics that are generally unknown or unappreciated targets.

The key to keeping anything in original condition is appreciation of its worth when upkeep is properly managed and knowing the ill effects of neglecting those duties to ensure optimal performance/looks. Every day items are easily taken for granted and often times over looked… Until they falter or have visible signs of deterioration, that is. For example, say you own a prized car that’s coveted by many and you (by the grace of some higher power) receive a fender bender on a hit and run case. Your priorities shifted to reconditioning the damage, didn’t they?

Shouldn’t our bodies be treated the same way? Now, personally I’m very opposed to heavy drinking. It decimates your liver and throws your head into a whirlwind of mass chaos. Also, your body suffers severe consequences the following day. Any who have experienced a hangover know exactly how horrendous the day after the night out can truly be. I’m not opposed to a couple drinks and enjoying a night with friends, but our bodies do have limits and they warn you when those limits have been exceeded by giving you the drunk sensation. Drugs and any cancer related products (ex. Cigarettes, chew, etc.) are also major red flags. Continuously pumping your body full of harmful products and expecting no harmful side effects -either immediate or long term- is simply foolish. And even knowing all this, millions of people do all of this religiously each day. Why? Lack of appreciation for their bodies and little to no care of the harm they mercilessly hurl at their way daily.

Now others may unintentionally harm the well being of their organs not by abuse, but rather lack of upkeep. Teeth are a prime example. You may not touch a single carcinogen, but failing in the conditioning of your teeth will lead to certain doom for your trusty pearly whites. Decay begins in mere hours and a laborious process begins its destructive descent to the roots of your teeth. We’ve all heard the drill a thousand times over in our youth, but it’s so easy to persuade yourself that you can let it slide especially when outside factors (such as sleepiness) play a role in your decision to make a trip to scour your teeth spotless. Act as if they were your prized car and find the strength to keep them pristine.

Healthy habits can do a world of good, so why not venture into these possible foreign patterns and exercise a more hygienic lifestyle? Alleviate tired organs and allow recuperating to commence. Enjoy the after effects of healthier living. Its shocking how great it feels.

Just another day of work

Work drags along with various taxing requirements that must be accomplished before the days quota is met. Short handed and morale low from the prior day due to lack of necessary hands to accommodate for the weather conditions, we started with minuscule hopes of finishing up our work today. However, right from the beginning, today had a different vibe and when we had the first bin on in under two hours, our attitudes drastically altered and high hopes began fluttering through my crews heads.

The second bin mounted to the cone faster than the first and aspirations of three bins finished up on cones suddenly didn’t seem to be nearly such a daunting task. Drilling a couple hundred holes out for bolts and then filling them in and tightening was all that remained for my trio of workers (myself included) to complete the first of two work sites. This is no prolonged task but requires a large sum of energy and a little muscle to compliment it. I took the reigns by seizing the drill and I proceeded to burn through the sheets one hole at a time as my coworkers followed behind me with the bolts. Before long, our truck was packed and we headed off to dual with the final bin for the day around one.

Arrival at the second site left us with several pending issues that we were previously unaware of but they became very apparent and posed several problematic issues to be conquered. Our first, most obvious issue at hand was the extremely rugged terrain and an uphill battle with a tractor that was too light for the loaded required of it in the cone. After a strenuous battle, we finally emerged victorious and our cone was set in place and awaiting us to finish our bin so we could place the bin on and escape work for another day.

We advanced to the bin and instantly noticed that the side wall of the bin had been cratered in by an apparent collision with some sort of farm equipment prior to our arrival. Two 6-8 foot sheets and over an hour of time were required to alleviate the eye sore but all was managed with little to no struggle. After the patches were in place the rest of the job went like clockwork and all was finished very rapidly. Four bells rolled around and we had finished what was originally thought to be a near impossible feat. All that remained was the tedious drive back home.

On the ride back, I apathetically stared into the fields as we cruised towards our destination. Home. The suns rays shone magnificently through the golden strands of remaining vegetation. They sparkled beautifully as a zephyr swayed them effortlessly to and fro. Calm and relaxed, I slid deep into the comfort of the seat as daylight slowly transformed into a darkened hypnotic view. My eyes grew heavy and soon sleep became inevitable. Another day has come to a close with me feeling truly accomplished with my work.

Found: Empowered life

Days become weeks, weeks months, and months slowly blend in with the seasoned years. Life finds a pattern and we slowly become content with the every day routine regardless how dull or brilliant the outcome of each days end may be. I beg the question, “Is it unreasonable to yearn for more out of life?” My own impulse drives me to scream, “no!” To break away from a worn out routine and access new life experiences is a liberation few will ever truly understand.

I’m not trying to pretend to be some expert in the field of life, but I do know that when I break away from an every day routine, life generally becomes dramatically more pleasant. If happiness is what the whole world is seeking and encountering a simple change of pace thwarts dampened spirits, why not live a little and seek adventure of life without guidelines and regulations to abide by? I’m not necessarily encouraging breaking the law, but creating your own legal system to enforce a good time certainly isn’t out of the question.

Living a sheltered life is always a safe bet. But nothing has ever discouraged me from venturing across the gray fuzzy area into a world in which you’re able to be your own person and not worry what the person to your left or right thought of you. Look into the possibilities. Think not of what you must do every day, but what could you do to release you from the bonds that hold you captive in your own mind. Now the question is, what are you going to do to experiment with the possible scenarios literally tossed at your feet? Will you perform the same exacerbating or neutral oddities again or take a spontaneous road trip? Will you lay in a house fiddling through the channels on the television or go for refreshing outdoor excursion? The choice is always available but not always visible if the option is never exercised.

In the end, I’m nothing more than a messenger showing a possibility. YOU have to have the desire to walk through the metaphorical door and assess how you’ll either pursue or neglect the options that you encounter. My advice strongly suggests attempting to diverge from the beaten path and explore those

other options and spice up your life.

Many feel their lives come to a halt when they have a child. My life only received more opportunities to explore paths previously unknown to me and I relish the chance to explore them!

Parenthood

24 hours a day, 7 days a week, there’s no stop to being a full time parent. Whatever else may have been in your plans has to be altered to accomodate for the addition of your little one. I’m here to personally tell you that even if your “dreams” evaporated with an unexpected child or if you’re just planning for parenting in general, that all sacrifices made are worth every second  you get to spend with your little gift from God.

Nothing feels more perfect than seeing a smile or hearing a laugh from your little one. Blissful is the mere thoughtof your child being around you. Having the privilege to witness the growth of your child and be a part of their accomlishments and progressions through life can be replaced by nothing. Cherish the laughs, giggles, smiles and cuddling before the early years are nothing more than a relished memory. Appreciation of life you participated in the production of should never be diminished. An every day miracle has been introduced to the world and he/she should never feel any less important.

Even when your little one cries, there’s pure jubilance to be had in simply comforting them and assuring they’re all right. Now I only have a limited experience with this thus far, but knowledge that you have the capbility to ensure your childs safety and content mind frame speaks volumes to my actions as a father. And of course, there’s the always popular yet slightly infamous, all night comforters with your child to nurture them back into their temporary comatose state. I experienced an all night  encounter just last night and as agonizing as it is to slip into a deep deprivation of sleep, the relaxed, peaceful look your child demonstrates when they FINALLY become lethargic is enough to entrance you with the mere sight of them.

As I come to a close, I look to my future and all I can envision is a life continued with my son growing older and wiser and hopefully he’s able to look up to me with pride and exclaim, “that’s my dad!”. As far as I’m concerned, nothing is more exhausting nor more rewarding than being a full time parent.